One of the oddest things in my life to come full circle is the music I listened to in middle school (AKA Taylor Swift). I still remember popping open my purple CD player and pressing play on the Fearless and Speak Now albums, imagining when my crush (now my fiancé!) will finally notice me.
I saw her live almost two weeks ago now, and it still feels surreal to connect that 13-year-old girl to the woman I am today, listening to the same music and imagining her future life with her fiancé and former middle school crush. The words for this feeling is hard to find–it feels like time overlapping somehow, folding over into itself so my current self and younger selves can connect through this moment of live music.
I feel the older I get, the more I lean into the things I loved as a kid, like fantasy novels, bright, fun colors, and Animal Crossing. To have such a big part of my childhood still be around, feels hopeful in a way. Like we never have to put these things away in favor of hobbies or artists or whatever it is that are more “grown up.” We are drawn to certain things for a reason, and maybe we should listen to that instead of trying to ignore it because we’re adults now.
Another part of seeing Taylor Swift live that made my younger self clap with joy was the outfit and makeup I wore: a glittery, purple blazer and skirt set, paired with sparkly lavender eyeshadow and mini gemstones. I’ve always loved glitter—something about staring into the depths of anything glittery is always soothing to me for some strange reason. Almost like it gives my brain a break from my always-buzzing whir of thoughts.
And getting ready was fun. How we underestimate the joy of getting ready with our friends, of doing our makeup and hair side by side for an event we’ve been looking forward to for months. How we underestimate the peace of bracelet making, which we did the weekend before—another sign of childhood rearing its head again.
It’s something I feel like many children now don’t quite have, the time and freedom to be creative and make things just for the sake of making them. With no screens around, no parents ushering you off to the next dance class or tutoring session to take up every ounce of free time that could be spent figuring out what you actually like.
It’s even better to fully lean into those things you loved as a kid now as an adult because there is no one to put a limit on what you can and can’t do, to try and push you into liking something else you just don’t feel as strongly about. No one telling you to read something else, to change your clothes, or turn off the music.
May we all keep our inner child alive and thriving. 🫶🏼
-J
Jessie Spangler 
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